Stone and Moon

“Parce-que
Je sais qu’une fois que vous avez passé ce
vous allez me souviens
et se réveiller à nouveau
et je sais combien nous nous soucions les uns des autres
et combien nous comprenons les uns les autres
et comment nous sommes un
vous laissez vos émotions prendre le meilleur de vous
et c’est pourquoi je ne les tiens pas en haute estime
parce qu’ils nous séparer”

The moon feels so far away
tonight -
and I’m spinning
and it’s not my blood running through my veins

Regression feels a lot like home
a home I loathe
one I don’t belong in

The clouds in my head
are masking the moon
and you are so far away tonight -
distant

but only because I let it
only because I let you be

Why would anyone rebuild something
that has been torn to the ground
stone by stone
 - shedding preconception
 - breaking down past notions
- unrooting fears
skin to skin
flawless

but now I’m a puzzel with a piece missing
you can almost see it
fitting so snugly with the rest
you can almost see it.
- but its not there

rummaging around in the empty box

The moon feels so far away tonight
and regression feels a lot like home

our love is a river,
raging
but my heart is overflowing
and your tears
run into mine

nous sommes un
 - je connais

Why would I rebuild something
that you and I tore to the ground?
there is no creation without
destruction

and the cracks in this godforsaken wall
let the light in

so destruct me
break me down
- I know
its not your job to built me back up

my words slip through a sieve of anger,
from someone who’s always so cautious and careful with words
with their placement
and their reverb

and I was afraid that I won’t ever
measure up
but doubt is such a seductive evil
and we’re spinning

but what place does measurement have
in something so immeasurable?

so destruct me
break me down
don’t ever let me run away from this
I don’t ever want to leave


“I feel my way
through slowest heaving night
whatever fear invents
I swear it makes no sense …
In the swirling curling
storm of desire
Unuttered words hold fast …
Darkness creeps in like a thief
And offers no relief
Come on, come talk to me.”

La Coeur

Ton coeur bat de plus belle
alors - que tes yeux sont sur moi

slipping into flawless intimacy,
adrenaline, my friend
neurotransmitters and neurons tangled in a delicate and nervous nervous system
and the precipice were carelessly dangling our limbs off and inching our feet towards the edge carefully
is synthesized into euphoria
and transposed into a harmonic chord

tracing the flesh of your hips
with my fingertips
        my lips
  muscle memory

 - you are
paperback books
the color blue -
a strong hand
closed eyes -
lids and lashes
a deep sigh -
a gentle touch

 tunnel vision blur
 discovering pure freedom in the blindness
 for seeing everything within:
  your eyes are a window
   with window panes
    & pain
   with shutters
    & shudders
   with curtains
    & sweeping lashes
   with reflections
    & reflection

your hand found mine
    at a very funny time
gestures freeze
and shared breaths get drawn in quickly
       as if they are fleeting
       as if they are numbered
       as if they could be easily lost
  if not held on to

a rooftop dance
city smog has hidden the stars
and the twinkling city lights
    are a poor excuse
    - but will suffice
for they reflect in the pool of your eyes
   & your eyes reflect in mine
and as a breeze dances across my skin
 I am more than satisfied

calculated motions
ebb and flow
dans ma coeur
 thinking:
 this is only the beginning
 thinking:
 ce qui ne peut vous me dire, moi chérie?

Momentum

I’ll read your eloquent words over and over

as if I can see the elusive corners of your mind

you tell me that time doesn’t exist 

or that we do not exist within time -

but, its 12:53am

and when we pirouetted in the darkness of your room

it was 1:23am

and you counted the hours we shared - 

5

you tell me that time doesn’t exist 

then why do I need to

      slow

      it

      down?

I live in a world of constant motion 

wrapped up in the earth’s spin

I live in a world of “productivity is key”

and “be here on time”

where quicker is better; where faster is the norm

but in the moment,

inertia

perpetuating motion

of something so real - and raw, taking root

no compromise -

but darling, the things I’d do for those eyes…

I’ve existed for nineteen years, one month, nine days, one hour, and a few minutes after that

encountered the pain

made the mistakes

I made the choices 

the ones that I thought were the best at the time

but my impatience stems from being tempted by the apple - 

which is a funny metaphor

because apples are my least favorite fruit

but are beautiful 

on the inside and out

  and if you cut them just right,

  they form a heart in the middle.

sharing moments and

sharing words and

stealing kisses

doesn’t have to be defined

    not in space

    nor time

if we simply exist

  why can’t we exist together?

  - separately

but nonetheless intertwined

you do deserve me at my best,

there’s no doubting that.

and I’m getting there - 

the resentment stemmed from suppression

simple solution - let go

it was that easy all along

 simply needed the inertia

 the momentum

 to get to the realization

all I know is that

your mind

[what I’ve seen so far]

is a beautiful thing

and I’d like to be by your side

       - but I know that you’ll simply tell me “in due time”  

Open is really Closed - and this poem isn't well-written and I don't like it but I'm sitting in a patch of scratchy grass scratching my pen against this blank page

Open wide
and swallow me whole

past patterns condition
          actions
         behaviors
          choices
past patterns condition 

All I had to do was wait
for you to tilt my chin up,
to face your face,
face to face

but past patterns condition
        actions -       
              and I'm not good at waiting

 I'm afraid of a lot of things
and I've learned to take what I want
or it'll be taken from me
and I'm afraid of a lot of things
  but all I see is you,
  trying to look through me
with insipid eyes

Open wide
and swallow me whole

I think
and I think
but mostly
I think that you have this idea in your mind
 of what two people should be
 and this knot in this tree
 is causing a knot in my back

pressed hip to hip
bone to bone
 yeah, do I stray from that?
 from your predetermined ideal?
yeah, maybe I move too fast

but past patterns condition
           actions
         behaviors
         choices
past patterns condition

 I'm too used to being swallowed whole

Surface vs. Depth (vulnerability)

I get swallowed up in the day to day
clocks&pens&papers&books&computerscreans
time&ink&trees&binding&integratedciruits
but what does the brain have to do in matters of the heart?

Come closer?
infiltration
heart temptation
inspiration
- reflection

Surface vs. Depth

as someone who always drowns too quickly
why would I remain on the surface
belly up amongst the fallen leaves and the struggling beetle
floating an orange life vest during darker times
one that screams, “I’m too young to swim alone”
(that’s all you were)

silk twine
heart lines

“see you in dreamland darlin”
 but I’ve seen you there before
in your doorframe without a door
your eyes - iridescent & piercing mine
a doorframe without a door

no barriers,
nothing to keep out
nothing to lock away
free
- that feeling like too much smoke in your lungs
& not letting it escape
as if it would ruin the high

 nothing else mattered,
not the ceiling or the sky
nor the floorboards or the earth under their feet
divine purpose

infiltration
heart temptation
inspiration
reflection

 i gave me away to you
 -- i woke up smiling